3-1-1 On Harmful Experiences

3 Thoughts


“There is a big difference between hurt and harm. We all hurt sometimes in facing hard truths, but it makes us grow. It can be the source of huge growth. That is not harmful. Harm is when you damage someone. Facing reality is usually not a damaging experience, even though it can hurt.” ― Henry Cloud


“Hurt people hurt people. Wounded boys become wounding men unless there is an intervention, an enlightened witness or mentor-coach to guide them. Wounded adults have to make an honest assessment of their life narratives. If men and women don’t transform their pain, they will transfer it to their own children, no matter how much they love them. They will transact with people and players to get what they think they need to quiet the voices echoing in their minds.” Joe Ehrmann, InSideOut Coaching


My high school coach would blame, shame, belittle, and yell at players every single day. 

All the while, we were told he was making men out of us.

Experiencing fear and shame daily was extremely harmful to us as young men, and the effects have lasted.

Wounded and scarred, many of us are now spending our adult lives working to heal and grow from the trauma; not just so we can thrive, but to make sure the people in our lives are safe from harm. 

1 Simple Tip

A Personal Reset from Jocko Willink

  1.     Take a breath. 
  2.     Pick our chins up. 
  3.     Put our hands down.

-Huberman Lab Podcast Jocko Willink on How to Become Resilient, Forge Your Identity, and Lead Others

1 Question for Reflection

What are the odds the first way we learned to coach is the optimal way to coach? - James Clear Episode 57 of Coaching Culture Podcast

- J.P. Nerbun

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